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”“And that’s just it, isn’t it? You never believed she’d ever be ready to marry you, did you?”I sighed. “I guess not.”“Then why’d you propose?”“How many times do I have to say this? It was an accident.”“So what? Rather than correct your mistake and explain to her it was accident, you just went along with the engagement? Would you have gone all the way through with it? Married her even though you never intended to propose?”“I don’t know.”“Bullshit. ‘I don’t know’ means ‘I know, but I don’t want to look like the bad guy’.” Kim gave me a hard look. “THAT’S why you didn’t push any wedding plans forward yourself. YOU weren’t in any hurry to get married either. You figured that SHE’D eventually get cold feet about settling down, moving to the suburbs, and popping out a few kids. You figured that SHE’D eventually end the engagement on her own, or give YOU a reason to end it. And with her falling in love with Sasha, you finally had your excuse to walk away without looking like the bad guy.”I. Because you’re ready now, ready to fuck girls your age.“Is it because I didn’t study hard enough? I can do better!”Maybe he was thinking of Jenna when I did those things with him. She was beautiful, so much better than a shameful woman like me.“I think… I think you should be doing those things with a girlfriend. You must’ve hated doing it with Mommy, no?”“No! I only want study sessions with you!”“There’s nothing more I can teach you…” I said, my throat feeling like it was laced with glass. I did it with my hand… I did it with my mouth…There was one more thing…“What about Jenna?”“What about her? Did she displease you? I’ll stop seeing her, Mommy, please, just don’t shut me out.”His eyes were filled with hurt, an emotion more intense than any torment I have ever inflicted upon him.“We have one more lesson,” my mouth moved on its own. “I’m going for a wash. If you don’t want it, please lock your door.”“Mom, do you mean-”I left him there in the kitchen.I rinsed off, scrubbing my body.
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